7 Strategies to Implement When You Feel Like You’re Behind the Curve
People who have met me in recent years might find it hard to believe that I was not always an athlete. If you see me on my motorcycle, you might not know how hard I worked to learn how to ride. It’s not evident now that I really struggled to learn these things, but it’s true. I wonder how many people give up to early because of the struggle – or because they’re embarrassed by how long it is taking them to achieve a goal.
After my second spring season of rowing, I had an opportunity to train with a competitive group for summer races. Though I was gaining experience with sweep rowing (one large oar for each rower), the summer training would be for sculling (two smaller oars for each rower) – so it would be similar to what I already knew, but would require a lot of learning.
The Slowest One
While my scores were competitive for my college team, I was the slowest athlete in the summer program. This was made all the more obvious in that we would often practice in singles – one-person rowing shells. Our coach would have us practice endurance or sprint pieces. First, we would line up across the river. Then he would call us to start, and we would row for whatever distance he had determined for that piece. To keep everyone together as a group, he would have us start one by one, starting with the slowest person: me. I would row, and row, and row, and one by one, the others would follow. One by one, they would all quickly pass me. When each had completed the prescribed distance, they slowed to a slop and rested. They would all be waiting for me when I finally finished. Since they were all rested and ready to go, our coach didn’t waste any time. He called me to start for the next round after what seemed like only seconds of recovery.
This happened during almost every piece of almost every practice. Since we sometimes had morning and evening practice, it meant having this experience twice a day. I felt very discouraged. One day, I told a teammate despairingly that I “was so sick of being left in the dust all the time.”
Always Struggling
Practices where we trained in the other boats – doubles (two-person rowing shells) and quads (four-person rowing shells) were a little better, but brought their own challenge. Since I was the slowest and on the shorter side, I was always directed to sit in the bow seat. (I’m much taller than average, but comparatively short for competitive training.) This meant that I was responsible for managing the steering of the boat. To do this, I would watch over my shoulder and call to my crewmates to make adjustments to help steer. In the case of the quad, I would also use my foot to turn a rudder to help steer the boat. All of these responsibilities were in addition to actually rowing! It was a lot to manage, and I was always struggling with something. Every day was a challenge, and I often felt like a failure.
The Payoff
I didn’t give up, though. By the time I returned to my college team, I had leveled up my experience and training and was one of the fastest on the team. Before long, I came to enjoy most the things that had been the hardest: rowing in a single and steering a course on a river. I believe it was all of that practice, despite the discouragement and the discomfort. Looking back, it was definitely worth it, but it didn’t feel good at the time. It felt very long, and it felt like there was no payoff for my efforts anywhere in sight. If I had quit when despair first hit, though, I would have quit long before I had felt enjoyment.
Another Example
I have had another major thing that took lots of practice to get to a point of enjoyment: learning to ride a motorcycle. Once again, I was in a situation where it seemed like I was the slowest to pick things up. I didn’t have much experience with a manual transmission engine. Also, though I had raced a number of triathlons, my bicycle handling skills weren’t awesome. I believe that skill and experience in either of these areas (or both!) goes a long way toward making learning to ride easier. Since I didn’t have either, it was a steep learning curve. I made it through the course and got my endorsement on my license. I bought a bike and began to practice, but it was extremely hard.
Inaccurate Indicator
At first, I had a lot of fear, felt very clumsy, and was very aware of my mortality. I rode around and around my neighborhood, practicing basic skills: starting, stopping, turning after a stop, shifting up, shifting down. I practiced the same things over and over again. When I took my bike to be inspected, service writer took one look at my odometer and told me (sort of joking, but the joke was kind of on me) that I definitely needed to get some more miles on the bike. I didn’t have the words at the time, but I wish I would have told him that the miles accrued were not an accurate indicator of the time I had spent on the bike. I spoke with other riders who were more encouraging: “Just keep at it”, “You’ll get there”, “We all started where you are”. Somehow though, it seemed to take me longer than everyone else.
Strategies
I have noticed that this is a pattern though, and when I look, I can see it running through my whole life. I have come to the conclusion that being a slow starter is not an indicator of future failure. The time spent in the beginning can feel so painful and hard, though. It can also feel very, very long. Unlike a running race, though, where you know how far it is from the start to the finish line, the distance between starting something and reaching proficiency is unknown. It is like lining up at a race start and not knowing if the race is 5k or 50 miles.
While it may not be possible to know how long the “beginner” learning stage will last, there are some strategies that I’ve used that have worked well to keep me motivated when it seems like I’m not getting anywhere.
1. Stop comparing (easier said than done)
Stop comparing yourself with others. This is something said by many wise people, and it is very true. It is probably the most difficult item on this list, but doing it successfully will have a big impact.
2. Make showing up your main goal
Instead of trying for a specific goal (e.g. in terms of points, time, progress, accomplishments), set the goal of just showing up. Mentally reframe the standard of accomplishment to be a win if you spend any amount of time on your area of choice – even if the time is short, and nothing is “accomplished”.
3. Use benchmarks
Add up the miles “or miles” and celebrate how far you’ve traveled. Start with an assessment of where you are now. Make notes and/or take pictures. Use a chart or a record to track your progress. An example of this is to print a calendar and color in the blocks for each day that you work on your goal (even if the work is short or small!) Remember, showing up is what counts, not the amount accomplished. Adding up the time spent on a goal can be satisfying too – spending 5 minutes a day adds up over many weeks. Miles add up too; going .5 miles can add up too.
4. Write your gratitudes
Another practice recommended by many wise people that I have found to be very helpful is gratitudes. Focusing on being thankful for what one has, even the very small things, diverts focus away from what one doesn’t have or hasn’t accomplished. The practice of writing these things down over the course of a year in a journal has been helpful to me. This can also correspond well with the idea of benchmarking – if you number each gratitude entry, that’s a lot of things to be grateful for over the course of a month. I found it helpful to start with writing down three things each day – and that adds up to over 1000 things over the course of a year!
5. Redefine winning
Determine YOUR wins for the situation. While winning a medal or placing first in an event or executing a skill or completing something big might be out of reach, redefining winning to something personal to you can be helpful. This doesn’t necessarily have to be as aggressive as getting a PR, but it also doesn’t have to be as simple as just showing up if you need a little more of a challenge. These achievements are the most talked-about, but there are a lot of possibilities in-between.
6. Find an encourager who will hold you accountable
If you’re groaning right now, I sympathize with that! I’m definitely someone who likes to do things differently and do them on my own. However, I have learned the hard way (and have had to keep re-learning, if I am completely honest) that having someone who will both check in on my progress (and call out when I’m off track) as well as giving me the pep talk I need in my times of doubt is key to success. I highly recommend this, even to others like me who don’t like “doing the group thing”.
7. Know yourself
This fits with my previous point. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses can help you in anticipating problems and help you avoid getting stuck, especially if you can call on the assistance of someone else in the areas where you need it. Having familiarity with your own personality will help you recognize the areas where you need help, and then allow you to do what you can to mitigate the obstacles. If you don’t feel like you have a good understanding of how you are wired, you can: do personality testing, experiment with different strategies recommended by others, interview friends and family (find the threads, ask them questions and see how you are different). If you are feeling really bold, ask your significant other or best friend to help you identify your strengths and weaknesses.
Moving Forward
There’s no shame in being a beginner, being behind others in terms of progress, or having less experience. There is nothing wrong with taking longer to learn something if you are working hard to move forward and are giving your best effort. It can feel very discouraging in the moment though – especially when the “moment” takes a very long time, you don’t know how long the stage will last, and others seem to be progressing much more quickly. However, by staying the course and employing positive mental strategies, it is possible to break through without breaking down. The most important thing to remember, though, is that there is no shame in being a beginner – effort is what really counts.